Toys, toys, toys: Adding Sex Toys to Your Sexual life
As sex therapists, we often hear from clients how intimidating sex toys can be in general: size? vibration? colour? shape? material? type of stimulation? the list goes on and on. From a variety of brands to websites, it can be hard to know what works best or even, how to tell your partner that you’re interested in adding sex toys to your sexual experiences together. Let’s break down some of the myths that we’ve heard and also tell you some truths!
1. Will adding a sex toy make my partner think they’re not doing things right? (Answer: false!)
Nope! Sex toys are a fun and easy way to ensure your sexual routine doesn’t become…well, a routine. One of the most important and top qualities that characterizes great sex is risk-taking and exploration. Sex toys can be an excellent way to bring in exploration and risk-taking within a safe context, particularly if more intense type of sexual activity or multiple partners aren’t up your alley!
2. How can I ask my partner I want to look at toys together or even just use them?
There’s no right way to do this and this will come down to your individual style! Some things we suggest to try are: mentioning one of your friends or something you read talked about sex toys, mentioning something you saw in porn (yes, there is porn that uses toys!), or you can do a bit of a surprise and bring in a toy into the bedroom and ask in the moment, sometimes the heat of the moment can make a partner more comfortable with saying yes and already feeling in the mood! In addition, there are some benefits from adding sex toys: studies show partners who use toys communicate more often but also have better communication, both inside the bedroom and out. In the bedroom, it actually increases the ability to ask for what you need and like!
3. Where do we even look for toys?
Oh so many places! Sometimes, it may feel easier to look online first - there are both benefits and drawbacks to this. While it creates ease to look online, websites can be overwhelming due to the vast amount of toys that are on there. We often recommend making a date afternoon of it and go look together! Find sex toy stores in your area that are inclusive and well-known, those usually employ individuals who are comfortable with sexuality and help put you at ease as you look around and maybe have questions! Going together can make it less intimidating but also more fun - choosing something that appeals to both/all partners can create more of a thrill as well as a bit of a sexual tease!
If you’re looking online, we highly recommend Pink Cherry if you’re in Canada (https://www.pinkcherry.ca/) or Adam & Eve (https://www.adameve.com/). [neither of these websites are sponsored].
Don’t be intimidated and make it fun! Look around, read reviews, and think of it as a game rather than taking it too seriously. Sex toys are all about fun, so should shopping for them!
